Seeking What Is True

I’m desperate for you oh Lord. I’m seeking and I’m not finding you. I’ve searched the depths, I’ve left my bed. I’m crying out for you, I’m lost. What more is there to do? It’s like I’m stuck in the woods, waiting for you to reveal yourself to me. I’m waiting yes I’m waiting. I’ve followed you for days upon days. I’ve lost my path, I’m weakened now, what do I do? Lord I’ve play find and seek long enough I’m meager now. Weary, and I feel I can’t endure. Lord, good intentions of finding you are not enough. I’m waiting for you to come out of your hiding place. In the middle of the woods where do I look? Tell me a secret, just one word. Just for a whisper, Lord just for a whisper I’d rejoice. Anything to feel your breath upon me, anything to know that you are here. Your comfort is all I’ve sought for weeks now. Restless about the future to come. These days I’ve undergone have broke me. Lord tell me I’m not the only one. I’ve lost hope, lost sight, lost focus—you are the final because for me. Tell me this is the end of my suffering. Lead me to the path that follows you. Take me deeper; make me richer, after you. Where gold is thought of as nothing, and little is thought of as much. Take me past my place of nothing. Past the lies, past the deception, past my flesh. If only I could hear you weeping over me, singing songs with Angels that rejoice. A tear of happiness that brings joy eternal, in the land that never fades or decays. In Jesus name I ask that you would take me, make me hungrier than I have ever been. I’ll be honest Lord not hearing you makes my life suck. It hurts to pray, it even sucks to worship. Reading the word is what feels like dirty labor. And I’ve been dealing with this for weeks now, Lord I just seek now you and you alone. Hearing your voice would make my life greater than it ever has been. I just ask God that your Son would come and illuminate my life. Send your Son to speak to me, for He is what I desire. I yearn for the Voice of the Lord to speak to me through the Word of the Lord. Just a whisper is all I ask in Jesus name. Amen.

[Creative sentence here]! It’s really been awhile since I’ve been on the blogging scene. My reason for stepping away was two-fold. One is that I really did not have much to write about, and I’ve really been working on my writing style thanks to English class. And two I’ve been pondering a few things, like my heart (how glum it is), the church, other religions, and relationships with other people. I came back here really just to sit down and see if anything would come out, and sure enough it did.

That little intro above started out as a song (I just made up seconds earlier than this blog, on a whim) that I started to compile and sing in spontaneous worship, and the last 8 sentences of it are just me in prayer.

The real reason I came back was to elaborate quickly on number two, two paragraphs above this one. The Lord spoke to me just yesterday about the ugliness of my heart. In my complacency in my apathy, I’ve lost sight of the Lord. My heart has become no different than that of the world. I’ve encompassed a dry season of faith that has developed good intentions of finding Jesus. And I’ve realized that good intentions are not enough. Now I’m still a radical and I still share my faith everywhere that I go (I’m working on this too), but for some reason I’ve bought into a lie of the enemy that I’m not good enough—that’s why he took everything away from me. When in reality it was my doing in the first place. I was holding the hand of Jesus walking through the woods, I got tempted, let go, and lost Jesus. (Now I never really got tempted and walked away from the faith, but I just got caught up in worldly desires and put things before Jesus, and essentially made him into a Play-Doh God.) This whole blog is centered around the Song of Solomon theme of me essentially being like the Shulammite longing for my Love. And I desire to go deeper, leave my comfort zone and do whatever it takes. But I first have to find Him again.

It really made me think a lot about the church of this age as well. We really need to embrace the love of God and be taken deeper and made richer in the love of Christ. We need to be all about others centered. We also need to begin to do things out of love and adoration for one another not guarding our eyes, because we feel guilty about not helping one another but because we have that desire to be there for each other as a family. God spoke to me and said that this is the season of Love. The church is entering into a season of love and forgiveness, which is going to birth direct fellowship (more than just a two minute introduction before a service, but a deep collaboration of unity) as it is described through 1 John. This is very significant for the end-times church because in order for the church to say, “Yes Lord, Holy and true are your judgments upon the earth!” when people are readily being killed and things becoming desolate really takes this kind of unity. I believe it and I say Yes Lord!

On another note I’ve really become burdened for false religions particularly Islam, but even moreso other denominations within the Christian faith. I just talked with a few people today that “claim” to know and “love” this Jesus dude-thingy-mabober but have no real clue as to what to do after that. They say that aren’t religious because they don’t have time, or don’t want to be persecuted, or He isn’t going to help me in this life anyway. I really just had a burden for them. Then on top of that a few people told me today how their life sucks and they are pissed off, and nothing ever works out, no one loves them, just on and on and on. I never got the chance to tell them about this Jesus because they took off before I could, but I promise if the opportunity arises again I will! So I encourage you to think about others during this time and really pray for the faith of Islam and other Christians who are on the verge of losing it all.

I also found out recently that apparently this boldness in my faith and sharing it at school is the obvious talk in the gossip realm as well as the small talk realm. I don’t know what I’ve done but I had someone come up to me today as well and call me a philosophical man, whose really encouraged them and I was blown away. I haven’t even really talked to this person outside of my English class either. I just really desire for revival to break out in Carroll High School, and for the rest of the city of Fort Wayne. Create boldness in others Lord! All for the cause of doing Kingdom value work! Let it not be about me, or what I’ve done, yet let it be about what you’ve done through me! I desire to be a vessel partnered with You!

And with that I say Lord, open my eyes to you! Let me become susceptible to what you have to offer. Let me hear from you Lord. Get me out of distractions, and let me repent of my wickedness. Jesus I plead your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation, God end abortion, send revival to America!!!!! Somehow I’m dark but lovely… Lord sing that over this city. A love song of intimacy and relationship. Dwell in this city Lord. We need you. No longer let us be sin city, but the city of Love! In Jesus name I pray! Amen.